Bernie's Holiday Camp

[FRANK]:
I'm your friendly green coat,
And I welcome you to Bernie's Holiday Camp!
One day and you'll be happy,
It 's Bernie you will thank.
You must be little Tommy.
Well, call me Uncle Frank.

[FRANK]: Welcome you too, Mrs. Walker,

[TOMMY]: Didn't know I had an Uncle Frank? I've never met him have I?

[FRANK]: Here you'll always find a helping hand!

[TOMMY]: Look there, Mom, a cage of budgies, a swimming pool and donkey rides, all free!

[FRANK]: The camp with the extras. I'm in chalet number eleven.

[TOMMY]: It's all free, Mom!

[FRANK]: If you come to Bernie's, you might think you're in Heaven!

[FRANK]:
Here we have the winner, folks!
Have you ever seen a lovelier pair?
What a shapely ankle!
What a perfect shin!
If you could feel this silken thigh,
You'd know who has to win!
If you could feel this silken thigh,
You'd know.

[MRS. WALKER]:
You don't know how much I've missed
To feel a man again,
To dance, to kiss.

[FRANK]:
Your eyes reveal: You're lovely.

[MRS. WALKER]:
This evening must pass slowly.
Until we're one, my heart won't rest.
Will Tommy share our happiness?

[FRANK]: Of course he will I'll make him smile
[MRS. WALKER]: You don't know how much I've missed
[FRANK]: I'll take him out to cinemas and fairs
[MRS. WALKER]: to feel a man again, to dance, to kiss.

[FRANK]:
Football and cricket.
There'll never be a happier lad.
I'll be more than an uncle;
I'll be just like a Dad!

[TOMMY]:
I will be a green coat too,
And when I'm big, I'll own a Holiday Camp!
A camp with a difference,
Always be good weather.
When you come to Tommy's,
The holiday's forever!

[MRS. WALKER]:
I'm glad you like your Uncle Frank.
He'll surely love you too
Just like a Dad.

[TOMMY]:
He's very nice, I think.
Did he fight in the War?

[BOTH]:
When he's got his green coat on,
I love him even more.