Life

I couldn't get my life back
I couldn't save myself
All the words of my mother hang heavy over me
It's summer in texas, 2003
I dissociate
The world around me fades
There is no self
If there is no one else
So I isolate
And suppress discomfort
And I sacrifice
Any shred of my own self-worth
While I put so much faith
In my open eyes
I have never felt so lonely
And desperate

I couldn't get my life back
I didn't stand a chance
All the pain within my past
Weighs heavy on my heart
The euphoria won't last
It'll tear your life apart
I feel the same
The world around me changed
It is a mess
And I could not make sense
Of the brave new world I navigate alone
Or my hyper-vulnerability I now call home
'Cause I put so much trust in their shifting words
And I have never felt so stupid
And useless
Before

But it is all my fault
I never should have trusted them
It's easy to smile and wave
To tell them one thing to their face
It's hard to tell the truth
Yeah, it is all my fault
But how could I have known that
What people call low self-esteem
Is really just seeing yourself the way other people see you?

I couldn't get my life back