Synthetic Mercy

I chase the bright to mute the ache
A sweet mistake I like to make

I turn my sorrow into smoke
Exhale it slow, then take another
The mirror says I still look fine
A flawless lie in ultraviolet

I move like nothing ever hurt
A perfect skirt of borrowed power
But every laugh is sugar glass
It shines, it cuts, it doesn't last

So pour the night into my veins
Let every bassline rinse my brain
If I can't feel what I can't name
Let noise become my little flame

Neon anesthesia, kiss me clean
Turn my panic into sheen
Make me holy for the floor
I don't want to know before

Hands up, eyes closed, let it drown
Love goes quiet, beat stays loud
If the light can't make me whole
Let it numb me, take control

One more hit of a brighter blue
One more night I won't feel you
Count to four, then let it slide
I'm alive when I'm denied

The dancefloor's a pharmacy
And I'm the patient and the thief
I steal a pulse, I pay in sleep
I keep my grief under my teeth

The crowd is heat, my skin is ice
I smile like that's a sacrifice
Kindness feels like overtime
Cold is champagne, crisp and kind

But when the strobe lights stop their prayer
There's only me, and vacant air
I hear the quiet counting sins
So turn it back on, pull me in

I'm not chasing joy, I'm chasing less
A softer head, a smaller mess
If I stay numb, I won't collapse
I won't look back, I won't relapse

But every dose wears off in time
And underneath, the dark is mine

Neon anesthesia, kiss me clean
Turn my panic into sheen
Make me holy for the floor
I don't want to know before

Hands up, eyes closed, let it drown
Love goes quiet, beat stays loud
If the light can't make me whole
Let it numb me, take control

No cure, just color on the dark