They're no good
They never treat a woman like
Like they should

I've known then from Bombay to Senegal
But there's one in particular
That I recall

Once I loved such a shattering physician
Quite the best-looking doctor in the state
He looked after my physical condition
And his bedside manner was great

He said my bronchial tubes were entrancing
My epiglottis filled him with glee
He simply loved my larynx
And went wild about my pharynx
But he never said he loved me

He said my epidermis was darling
And found my blood as blue as could be
He went through wild ecstatics,
When I showed him my lymphatics
But he never said he loved me

And though no doubt
It was not very smart of me
I kept on racking my soul
To figure out
Why he loved every part of me
And yet not me as a whole

With my esophagus, he was ravished
Enthusiastic to a degree
He said 'twas just enormous
My appendix vermiformis
But he never said he loved me

He said my vertebrae was sehr schön
He called my coccyx plus, que gentil
He murmured, "Molto bella"
When I sat on his patella
But he never said he loved me

He took a fleeting look at my thorax
And started singing slightly off-key
He cried, "May heaven strike us"
When I played my umbilicus
But he never said he loved me

He seemed amused
When he first made a test of me
To further his medical art
Yet he refused
When he'd fixed up the rest of me
To cure that ache in my heart

And so he lingered on until morning
Yet when I tried to pay him his fee
He said, "Why, don't be funny, It is I who owe you money"
- But he never said...

He said he really thought a lot
Of my medulla oblongata
And my pancreas and sternum
Made him sing a wild cantata

When I shook my pelvic girdle
Well, he did a double hurdle
-Your appendix?
Just tremendous
- Cerebellum?
Simply swell-um
- But he never said...
He loved my sinuses and spleen
And every organ in between
And yet he never said he loved me


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